Stresserella and the dumb old "wise people"

I know I've done a lot of these journals, and I know it may seem narcissistic to some. However, I try to provide you with lessons within each journal I give. Hopefully, I've provided some of you with feelings of strength. Believe me, to just come out with your problems, whether online or in reality, has proven itself quite a tough, tedius, and courageous task. It's not everyday that we wake up saying to ourselves, "I'm not going to lie to people anymore. When they ask me how things are going, I'm going to tell them straight how I feel." It's not like that at all, even for such an open individual as me.

So, here I go again...

It seemed like a regular day. Well, minus the fact that it was an exam day. I woke up, ate, took a shower, and prepared myself to leave for school. I was pretty sure I got all of my stuff together. However, that was proven wrong not so much later.

Fast-forward. I'm at school, and then I discover that I don't have my Accounting Textbook to return at the Book Collection table. You see, if I don't return my textbook, I can't do my exam. So, I basically hustle and bustle about the place, looking in my locker, calling my mom, etc... about how I can't find my book. I get her to look in the house as I'm holding onto the line.

She couldn't find it. I could feel myself heavily panicking, and the stress just built up immensely from there.

I talk to the secretary, and she gave me some handy information about losing my textbook. Since I lost it, she says that the teacher can just fill out some form to the school or whatnot saying that I lost a book and owe one, or $85 pay. Seemed fair. However, I was still immensely stress, being the typing of person that copes with such things very poorly.

Because my exam was with Student Resource (which allows me to do my exam half an hour early than everyone else; that's the only difference), I first headed to resource to find out where I was writing my exam. Luckily, it was just a few doors away. We'll skip through the part with the exam. It wasn't too bad, anyway.

After I finished the exam, I go back to Resource. I asked them where the original exam room (where my Accounting teacher is) is, and basically, it was the room next to where I wrote. How lucky.

So I ask my teacher about the textbook issue. Guess what? Apparently, I already handed in my book, though I don't recall doing so. She also said that my friend, who sits beside me in class, didn't hand in her book, though my friend told me earlier that she did. Here's what I think happened: my book sways over to her desk on occassion, so she might've accidentally handed in mine rather than hers, which is why I don't remember handing mine in - at all - and which is why she remembers supposedly handing hers in. I told her that she forgot to hand her book in, and called my mom back about it ASAP since she was pissed earlier.

Part 2 of the day:

I get home while eating some chocolate. I take off my stuff, and sit at the kitchen table. I tell my dad if he remembers that he allowed me to play video games for 2 hours today. He says he doesn't remember, which became more and more of an obvious lie when he said that he won't let me on because I told him he was being an ass. You know why I told him he was being an ass? Because he was acting seriously victimized just because I wasn't in the mood to hug him in the morning. Seriously, I didn't even hug my great aunt Shukria when she asked, and I love her dearly. He just always does this.

So apparently, he didn't want me to play video games because I told him he was acting like an ass since he was forcing me to get to hug him. Oh, I love the dictatorial bullshit. Well, me, with my lack of taking shit told him exactly just how much of a baby he was being, and I figured out his plan. You know when some person you're close to says "shut up" when you're describing their problem? Well, that usually means they think you're right, but they're too cowardly to deal with the situation maturely. My dad does this all the time; he's like a 5-year-old in a 50-year-old mans body. And yes, I have respect for the elderly, but I only give respect where it's due. I don't care how old a person is, and if they expect respect from me, then they better damn well respect me too. I don't like bullshit.

That reminds me of one of the many things I hate in our society - we place so much emphasis on respecting select groups of people that, when young citizens such as myself disrespect them, there's never a "good enough" justification to do so. An old lady spits at you? Oh, don't talk to her. Your dad is a chauvinistic horse's ass that doesn't show you any true respect or love? Oh, you're just an ungrateful child. You complain so much. And you're just the daughter, so you better damn well listen to his chauvinistic demands. Oh, and you're a woman, so when you're a leader, you're a bitch. When a man shows leadership though, he's just being strong.

Anyway, back to my father being a dick. When he was upstairs, I started playing a video game called Prince of Persia. It got quite fun, then for some reason, when my dad came down, he started bitching again. Really, it just got tedius. You know what he did next? He turned off the game and would not let me save. Hmmm... he had hinted that I could play the game, but yet, he went back on his offer. However, this wasn't what truly annoyed me.

We sort of came to a reconciliation right at the time that they were going to leave the house. I asked them where they were going, and Shukria said to the physician's office. I then asked when they were going, and again, she said to the physician's office. I had to ask my dad when they were going, because she couldn't answer me well. He said ASAP. He obviously knew that I was going to try to play the game when I got the chance.

Some background info on our physician: coincidentally, he was a friend of my dad's in the medical school in Mosul, Iraq, that my father attended quite some years ago. He's one of the best physicians here in our humble, polluted town. Quite frankly, I don't understand why he's in such a shithole, or why he's friends with losers like my dad.

When we did come to that reconciliation point, it came to an abrupt end soon after. Just because I refer to my aunt Shukria usually as Shukria rather than aunt Shukria, my father went absolutely balistic, and started speaking in her name. She didn't really mind it, but my dad, being the drama queen that he is, just had to cause as much trouble as humanly possible. So again, I told him he was being a drama queen and a baby. Now, he says that I can't use the computer or play video games ever because I didn't apologize for what I did. Do you think I honestly listened, considering I'm on the computer right now? Hah!

That felt great to get that all out. What I'd like you to get from all this is that, just because a person's older than you, doesn't make them any greater of an authority. You've got to stand up and say, hey, this is fucked. And never, ever, get yourself too stressed before you're 100% sure that you messed up.

I promise you all... when I don't have so much stress around me, I'll start talking more about other things again. Thank-you for reading my journals and being so kind.