Horror Review 2: The Burning (1981)

The Burning (1981) - 3.5/5

Of all the Friday the 13th ripoff movies that came out in the early 80s, this one seems to get a lot of recognition, being a similar camp story with boobs, blood and gore all around, and a deadly killer who you don't see until the end. The acting is pretty shitty, but some of the characters are enjoyable to watch while they're on screen. The movie starts off a bit shakily, with an extremely sloppy and amateurish scene where a prostitute is murdered, but after that it gets better. Also notable is the strange soundtrack, featuring a wide variety of different types of music that don't always work perfectly with the story, but they are pretty cool anyway.

The real star here is Tom Savini and his special effects and makeup work. Seriously, some of the gore here, on this uncut version, is just awesome, with the standout being the raft scene, in which the killer bloodily dismembers and disfigures about seven people in a span of a few seconds - and then the scene later on in which the others find the raft and are subsequently grossed out. Gross? Yes. Cool? Definitely yes.

Another interesting thing about The Burning is how Friday the 13th IV, a much more popular film, got so much influence from it. Just look at the ending, and you'll see what I mean. The Burning is a pretty bad movie, but I liked it, and so will you, if you're looking for B-grade slasher glory.

Next: The Wizard of Gore (1970)

Horror Review 1: Phantasm (1979)

Phantasm (1979) - 4/5

This is a much-revered horror classic, and it's easy to see why. It's supernatural, it's edgy and it's also very dark and grainy, both in picture quality and mood! What they don't tell you is how this movie basically comes off as a long, elaborate crack fantasy, filled with bright lights, magic and...well, yellow mustard blood. But it is pretty creepy at times, with decent performances from all the actors for their respective genre and some very good atmospheric moments, like pretty much every time you see the Tall Man.

And speaking of Angus Scrimm, he is damned creepy here. Seriously, you would be running and screaming too if you saw this guy running after you. That's right, running. He puts the typical laughable horror stereotype of walking serial killers catching their sprinting victims down with ease. Great performance.

Phantasm doesn't make much sense, and it is pretty thin at times in terms of plot, but it is a fun watch, and essential if you're a B-horror fan. Get this one this Halloween, and make sure to keep the lights on...

Next: The Burning (1981)

Okay, okay.

Hi there, folks. Larry here. I don't know where Flora is in all of this, but I told her I'd be active at this, and time permits me to be so, right now. If this blog is going to remain active, then I'll continue posting stuff, and more regularly from now on. October is coming up, and that means Halloween, and although most of you don't know me, that means that I'll be diving into a gamut of pulpy, bloody, sinister horror movies, and with any luck, I'll be providing reviews for your consumption every week or so. If I don't post them here, you can find them at the following links:

--->http://www.metal-archives.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=39103&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
--->http://miscutopia.20.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=3

Will include reviews of the following:

The Burning (1981)
Suspiria
Opera (1987)
When a Stranger Calls (1979)

...and many more.

Until next time, all!

Boredom

Why do people get so goddamned bored so easily? I mean, sure, it happens every now and again, but in my travels across this barren Internet, I notice it happening WAY TOO OFTEN. Seriously, every day, it's "Man, I am so BORED," "I'm boooooooooooored," et cetera. I know not everyone has the means to travel around to places outside of their own homes - usually those who are under 18 and living with their parents - but hey, that doesn't automatically constitute boredom. There are plenty of things to do in the comfort of your own home. The only excuse you have for being so bored is if you're a sex slave locked in a basement, and in that case, if you have access to a computer, why not call for help?

Otherwise, no, there is no excuse. Read a book. Watch a movie. Go outside and take a walk. Too attached to your music? Bring the iPod or MP3 player along with you. Call a friend. Draw a picture. Write a story. Do some homework. Help a stranger. Pet a dog. Build some weapons of mass destruction. Educate yourself.

I mean, surely, there is something you can do, right? You can't be that uncreative, can you? Can you?!

Drawn to the Dark

A whisper sounds in the night as you exit the Publix at which you work the last shift. Your feet sound like the rolling thunder on the pavement as your heartbeat starts to grow. The trees rattle and the wind howls. You wish you were at home, safe under your blankets with the lights on, but your car seems so far away, and why have your legs turned to jelly? You are uneasy. With every step, you are drawn further into paranoia and blind, naked fear. You start to notice everything wrong with the scene: how the doors of your car are just so slightly ajar, how your head feels like a lead weight, the splotches of dark red blood staining the dry, reedy grass. The bent, rusted tricycle leaning up against the tree to your left, creaking helplessly in the wind. The mirthless, cold, high pitched laughter, ringing in your ears long after it fades away, still coming at you on all sides.

If you are anything like me, this sort of thing is exactly the kind of literature that quenches your thirst. That little blurb I wrote up there is a teaser of what would usually keep you interested. That sense of claustrophobia, of anxiety. Of fright, and especially of high-flying ecstasy. You probably also enjoyed the movie The Ruins, in which a group of innocent, if horny and sometimes jealous, young adults are left stranded atop an abandoned archaeological dig in Mexico, where they end up slowly tortured and bloodied, one by one. You found immense enjoyment in such movies as Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hellraiser. You probably read HP Lovecraft and Stephen King. You find yourself fascinated by the strangest and most outrageous news tales. The darker, the better. No matter how perverse or twisted. You are repelled, but at the same time you are fascinated. You want to know more. You want to know why, every single little detail, every minute speck. Every reason behind the madness in the world.

For instance, this: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2008/07/31/greyhound-transcanada.html. A man decapitates a passenger sitting next to him on a grayhound bus. Surely this is a heinous act, so why do I find myself curious as to the circumstances? Why am I so morbidly fascinated? I mean, it's fucked up. It's really fucked up. It's an atrocity, plain and simple, but it's also fascinating. As I stated above, I want to know more, because the human psyche is an incredible thing. What possessed this man to do what he did, and how much of a danger is something like this to humanity? And then, being the demented creative mind that I am, I ask, how can I exploit this in a story?

Why are we drawn to the dark? It is certainly not normal or socially acceptable. We are certainly not raised that way. They talk against horror movies and darker literature in Sunday School. Don't read it or else your soul will go to the devil. You know. From birth, we're taught to fear the bogeyman and the grim reaper and other such creatures of the night. We're told innumerable bed time stories telling of why they should be feared, and it becomes imprinted into us to condemn these things and avoid them. We keep night lights on as young children. We don't look under the bed, or in the closet. When we see a dark room, we turn on a light.

Once we grow out of that sort of blind, obedient fear, we become curious. While it obviously varies from person to person, I would pinpoint this stage at around the latter half of the single-digit-number age years. You started to make more friends around that time, and with your friends you traipsed around the neighborhood like you were the kings of the world. Cops and robbers, capture the flag, hide and seek, all of it. But what about when you grew bored? The curiosity of a child is something boundless and wild. Did you ever take your closest group of friends and venture into places that you were told were dangerous? Did you go down into the woods and stay there, defiantly waiting to prove that you could stand up to the ghosties and goblins that lay within? Did you ever say Bloody Mary three times in a row in front of a mirror in the dark? Did you ever tell ghost stories sitting around in your friend's room, with the lights off and the curtains closed?

Now, some kids grow out of that eventually. They go on to become successful lawyers and doctors, or maybe they don't, and maybe they only amount to a janitor or a secretary in an office. Maybe they go home at night after a long day cleaning the shitty toilets and the spilled urine on the tile floors and the trash, and all other manner of discarded waste, to see their children sitting on the couch, munching Doritos and watching a television program so tastefully dubbed MASTERS OF HORROR MARATHON. They turn the TV off, exclaiming in disgust that those movies weren't good for the childrens' psyches. They send them to bed, where the creepy-crawlies sniff and scratch up to the surface to take them in their nightmares.

These nightmares? They come from those who are naturally drawn to the dark. They come from those who never grew out of the curiosity that blossomed in them as a child. We are drawn to the dark. Who really knows why? It varies from person to person, from sick mind to sicker mind. We aren't scared by what lurks under the bed or behind that dark corner, or in the attic, so we set out to find something that does scare us. We are like journeymen on an expedition, except instead of the tip of some faraway mountain, we search for something that can remind us what it feels like to be really, truly scared. We want to feel that old thrill, like we're going down a huge roller coaster - think Islands of Adventure, perhaps. We like that frozen chill running down our backs. We see talent and gusto in those who can scare us, because it is not an easy feat - and those of us with good taste, we appreciate that talent, and thus is born our lust for good horror stories. Those of us who write or direct, we make more horror stories not only to scare the uninitiated "normal" folk, but to impress those like us. Those who are also drawn to the dark.

In the end, a lot of the stuff that "normal" people find revolting and disgusting is just really damned cool, no other way around it. It's an acquired taste, but so are all cool things in life. It's a form of escapism, except it's for people who don't want to escape via dragons and dwarves or spaceships and aliens. Real life is trying and oftentimes droll and drab. You all come home at night, and we all turn out the lights. You all brush your teeth after the credits start rolling on Fresh Prince or Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and you all tuck yourselves into bed. But are you drawn to the dark?

Hello. [The Entrance]

Flora, upon deciding that she wanted to interview someone, and knowing that I could not come up with much to write here, decided to interview me for my introduction to this blog.

Flora says: So, Larry, please tell us some basics about yourself. You know, where you live, where you were born, how old you are, your interests, all that jazz.

Larry Griffin says: Okay, will do. I was born on February 2nd, 1991 in Florida, USA. I was the last person born on the busiest day of this brand new hospital - Arnold Palmer's, for whoever is in the area - and I was the first child ever to live in my current residence, which was basically an exclusively old folks' home. In my spare time, I write, exercise, read or watch movies. I also like long walks on the beach and romantic dinners by candlelight with a pretty lady.

Flora says: Okay so, why were you living in an old folks' home?

Larry Griffin says: Because that is where we lived, I guess.

Flora says: Well, I can just as easily say my family lived in a shit house when we came to Canada because that is where we lived, but it is because we were poor refugees that pretty much just came there. So, I'm sure there must be some reason why you ended up living in an old folks' home

Larry Griffin says: Well, really, there isn't one, aside from the fact that that's where my parents chose to live, perhaps for the fact that they just got a good deal, or that it is a safe place. As I've grown up, I've seen that there are barely any crimes here at all, and that it's easy to be able to walk freely in the streets without trouble. I think this might be a problem when I don't live here anymore.

Flora says: Why do you think there's so little crime where you lived? Also, you said you were the first child to ever live in your current residence. Do you have any brothers or sisters, or are you an only child?

Larry Griffin says: There is no crime here because it is a closed off gate community. I am the first child in my family. I do have a younger sister though.

Flora says: Okay, well you seem to like reviewing music a lot, and you seem to like music in general, a lot more than the average population. What is it about music that is so intriguing to you?

Larry Griffin says: I don't think I do so much, these days. I have been busier and more distracted with other things, as well as listening to some different stuff I haven't tried before. I review music because that's how I am, critical of mostly everything.

Flora says: Why do you find yourself to be "critical of mostly everything"? What aren't you so critical about?

Larry Griffin says: That's just how I am. I find that it lets me enjoy the good things in life more, if I can pick out what isn't so good.

Larry Griffin says: I'm not critical about...well, really, I don't know. I'm not too picky about movies a lot of the time, as is evidenced in my usually consistent ratings.

Flora says: Then what is your favourite movie, and why?

Larry Griffin says: Pulp Fiction, simply because it's very enjoyable and charming, if you will.

Flora says: Alrighty. Well, a writer always has his/her/whatever's starting point, and a good number of times, they regret their works made at this stage of their writing career. Do you have any regrets as a writer? Why?

Larry Griffin says: I don't think so, regrets as a writer...it strikes me as pretty stupid, frankly. Everyone has their starting points, and if you're ashamed of them or regret them, then it shows a good deal of insecurity on your part. Now, I'm not saying you have to like your past works so well, or that you can't be critical of them, but there's no need to be ashamed of them. Everyone has their building blocks.

Flora says: What are your "styles of writing"? And by styles of writing, I mean, for example... mine are politics, comedy, song-writing - lyrics and instrumentals, and stuff about the news.

Larry Griffin says: Interesting, interesting. I have dabbled in many genres as I've practiced writing, from superheroes to fantasy/action, to horror and mystery...but I only really got serious about it earlier this year, while writing a black comedy/satire called Around the Bend.

Since then, I have developed ideas for other stories along the same lines, mostly inspired by Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club and Lullaby, among others. I am attracted mainly to the weirdness and eccentricity of it, while the stories themselves remain serious when you get past the weirdness.

I am also quite inspired by humor/comedy writer Carl Hiaasen, who writes books about Florida and satirizes the odd culture of the place. Interesting reads.

I am also influenced by more "nerdy" things, although I have never cared about such terminology, like comic books or B horror films.

The one road block I have is the fact that I am pretty much devoid of any real cultural knowledge, having never traveled outside of my native Florida, and barely even anywhere in the state itself. This hinders me, but I get by.

Flora says: I feel dumb, I don't know of any of those people (I'm a Time Magazine and news type, FUCK BOOKS! )

Tell me about your black comedy, Around the Bend

Larry Griffin says: Haha, do not feel dumb, I don't know many of the "popular" authors myself. I just discover as I go at my own pace.

Larry Griffin says: Around the Bend is, as I imagine would be written on the book jacket, "a high-octane, sex-crazed romp through the black curtain of normalcy." It revolves around a fireman who is generally tired of his life. He is a failed writer, lacking any creativity to make a real story, and he likes to spend his time by himself, reading and keeping up with his taxes, in his large, three story home, in which he lives alone.

One day, he decides to run into a fire alone to try and save a young girl who is trapped inside.

He falls to the ground and loses consciousness, later awoken in a hospital, saved by a colorful, energetic pimp who runs a skin club on the edges of the city. He becomes friends with the pimp, and the story is a recount of the events that lead to his current position, sitting on Death Row, spiced up with doses of black humor and bloody action.

Flora says: That's pretty fucking good. Better than the stuff I've been coming up with lately... you should put your comedy on DeviantArt, they have a thing where you can save text.... but anyhow.. what are your biggest inspirations to write?

Larry Griffin says: On Deviant Art? I don't think so

My biggest inspirations? Reading books, that is the secret to it. Just reading fills me with creativity and ideas to write.

Flora says: What is your favourite book?

Larry Griffin says: I'd say The Stand by Stephen King, bit of an odd choice, but then again I never had the most amazing tastes.

I merely write for those like myself, not those looking for literary masterworks.

I suppose another inspiration of mine was Quentin Tarantino's movies, actually, because they are just cool, despite often messy and silly. They are representations of what the man wants to see on film, and my writing is the same in that respect, except for paper, you get the idea.

Flora says: Fuck, I don't know what else to ask. Well, looks like we're done! Welcome to the team.